Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
