hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
