You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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