you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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