the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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