i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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