y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
