I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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