apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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