You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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