i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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