Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
