the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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