i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
