This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
