Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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