I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
