batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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