i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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