I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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