I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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