some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
