There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
