How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
