Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
