Your mouth is God's brothel.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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