Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
