I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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