Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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