I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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