sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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