Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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