I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
