Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize