I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
