Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
