he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
