What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
