I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
