1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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