4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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