im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
