Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
