I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
