the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
