This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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