She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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