i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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