NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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