During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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