My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
