i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
