We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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