Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
