you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
