Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
