girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
