ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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