i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
