I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
