I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
