Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize