Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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