I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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