id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
