he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
