At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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