I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
