You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
